Back in an office AND I have something to say
When you’re new to a job, open-plan offices can be daunting. After a couple of months, people’s habits begin to make you question not only your sanity, but your life choices.
My top pet peeves in the workplace are:
Mirrors in the lift
The mirrors.
The lighting.
I know I did not leave the house looking like my reflection in those lift mirrors. Why would you do this to a person before their second coffee? Why?
Also, no lift ride is long enough to read the messages on those tiny screens. Save your money, advertisers.
Remember those ads played in cinemas before the movie begins?
No.
I didn’t think so.
A note to building designers: please put numbered buttons back in elevators, add vinyl panels to the walls, and play a little cheesy orchestral Carpenters for my ears.
Mornings are hard enough already.
Music lovers
If you are listening to music, please don’t whistle along.
Once, after much internal angst, I asked a colleague if he realised he was whistling — and that it was a little distracting.
He took it well. We had a little laugh.
The next day, he hummed instead.
Sick people
(Written before Covid – still valid)
Don’t come to the office in the morning and then go home halfway through the day to show that you are really sick.
The investment of your germs in my environment is not welcome.
Ever.
When The Whistler had a cold, he tried to expel the frog in his throat with such vigour that his hefty gullet became fully engaged.
Thankfully, I was wearing a collared shirt. My neck was protected – just in case.
The best friend
When I am new to an office this is my favourite pastime.
I love waiting to see who will rush to become the new girl’s best friend – eager to dish the dirt on everyone and reveal a secret.
The secret is important.
They will tell you something juicy in exchange for something in return. Not right away – but a debt created, and it will be collected in the near future.
Look out for:
- “Just between you and me…”
- “Don’t tell anyone, but…”
- “I know you’ll keep this to yourself…”
Love it.
Tell me everything.