This time I read the instructions properly.
“Put a thick layer of cream on a small area to test for reactions.”
Me: Slather product over entire body, disregarding open wounds. If it stings it’s working, right?
“Smooth on a thick layer to cover hair — do not rub in.”
This is what you need:
- A sink full of hot water.
- A towel you are willing to sacrifice.
- A chair to balance on.
- A window to throw out your self-respect.
You must elevate your leg on a vestibule (or any available furniture) then stand like a vampire zombie for ten minutes.
You need:
- A playlist (don’t judge me — Blondie and misplaced confidence).
- Your phone as far away as possible (this is no time to document anything).
- An old towel to drip on so you don’t slip and die.
- A face washer that is never going near your face again.
No matter how often you shower afterwards, you will carry the faint scent of chemical regret.
My advice: leave it to the professionals.
Or just leave it.
Life is too short to be itchy and stinky.